oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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