I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
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Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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