sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
