YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
