so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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