We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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