even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
