1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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