I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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