idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
