Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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