like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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