one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
