Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
