omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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