I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
