I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
