Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't tell me you're on acid again
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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