I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
