so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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