Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
