I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
