i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
