i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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