I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
