Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
