quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
