I heard we made out
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I didn't notice because vodka
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
