I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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