Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
