Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
