wrigley field is MILF paradise
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
