I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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