I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
