we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
