So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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