Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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