i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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