I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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