You really coming over, don't trick.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i love accidental penises.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
