hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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