She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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