i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
