can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
