just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
