One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize