drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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