My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
