If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I love how my cats smell like pot.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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