Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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