I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
