I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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