Umm I'm too high to move.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
