i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
