just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
