You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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