MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
