WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
