her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize