dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
