I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
