I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i dont even know how to be here
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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