You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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