His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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