True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
