Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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