I just cut my nipple shaving
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
how does that bad decision feel?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
