I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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