It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
