He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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