Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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