just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Everclear isn't food dammit
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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